'The Bachelorette' Recap

Okay, so it’s been 2 weeks since Chad got dumped and we have been WAITING to see what happens afterwards. 
The night started with the boys having a bit of a memorial for Chad, spreading his protein powder as ashes. While this was happening, Chad was making his way through the forest as the bear he is.

Chad showed up at the guys house, running his hands down the window like the psychopath he truly is.. They eventually let him in to true confusion. They were mostly worried about his protein powder. “I guess she thinks I’m intense or something” was the line of the night from Chad AFTER HE SHOWED UP AT THEIR HOUSE.

Jordan seemed to be the only one who talked to Chad reasonably (JOJO CHOOSE JORDAN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR), and eventually Deuchebag McGee left, in a very anticlimactic way.

We then had the cocktail party which was really corny and felt more like one of the worst group dates.

The people who got roses were Derek, Robbie, Chase, Wells, Grant, Vinny, James Taylor, and gross Evan. Ugh. This sent home Daniel (finally) and James F. (who?). 

After the rose ceremony they headed to Uruguay, you know, the place everyone thinks about going to. (Side note: most men couldn’t even pronounce it properly).

The first date card went to Jordan for a 1:1 FINALLLLLLY. During this 1:1 one of the guys back at the house had trashy magazines saying Jojo was seeing her ex (ugh yes that’s what trashy magazines do). Seriously stop slut shaming and women shaming you’re on the Bachelorette. Nobody is actually there for love.​

Anyways, it turns out Jojo had met someone who Jordan used to date and who didn’t trust him. But she confronted him and now she’s fine.

Luke, Derek, Chase, Evan, James, Vinny, Grant, Wells, and Alex all got the group date for the week.

Before the date, one of the producers showed her the magazine that had nasty things to say about her. She naturally flipped out about it. She went to the guys crying about it and they forgave her BECAUSE IT WAS A TRASH MAGAZINE DUH.

At least one person does not think Derek is a good guy. Cool. None of you are you’re on The Bachelorette, but keep telling yourself whatever you need. Side note: Derek got the group date rose, so jokes on you buddies.

But also - Jojo please stop giving roses to men who just need validation. Fuck that. Give it to a man who is already confident. You ain’t responsible for that shit.

She then went on a one-on-one with Robbie. It was gross, he said I love you, and he got a rose, of course. 

There was no cocktail party, after my minutes of the men discussing the importance of time with Jojo at the party. It was also announced that three of them would be going home tonight.

The guys who got roses were Luke, Chase, Alex, James, and Wells. This sent home EVAN FINALLY (your tears don’t fool us you’re still a fucking douchebag), Grant and Vinny,