Tonight was the first of a two parter, and we’ve been promised maximum drama. A security guard! Blood! So clearly a shitty security guard!
The episode started with the boys waking up to a disaster of a house, which they take as indicative to the disaster that is Chad.
The first date card of the night went to Chase (if you’ve forgotten who Chase is, he’s the white dude with a bit of beard stubble).
Chase and Jojo went to a yoga studio, where they practiced some ‘intimate’ moves that led them to some smoochy smoochy.
The group date went to Jordan, Grant, Wells, James F., Christian, Ali, Daniel, Vinny, Nick, Evan, Alex and Chad.
Chad’s first reaction to the date was that he didn’t want to go on a date with 12 other dudes because it was “too many”. Jordan called him out on this, saying “you do know what this is?” Because, duh. This also obviously infuriated the guys who didn’t get a date.
Jordan then insinuated that Chad was stupid, and Chad retaliated that he was a failed football player. The rest of the guys were obviously on Jordan’s side there, and they just kept hurling really weird, pathetic insults at each other across the room, but in very casual ways.
For the date they went to see a show at a small theatre that talked about sex. And so the boys (because these are not men) had 45 minutes to get sex stories prepared for the audience.
Sidenote: my favourite tweet of the night was about this part of the show.
Evan took his time on stage to basically insinuate that Chad is using steroids. When he came back up to sit down, Chad ripped his shirt and pushed him a bit before going down onto the stage.
Chad decided not to tell a sex story and instead said it was about their future, and he went in to kiss her but she TURNED HER CHEEK. The absolute best burn he could have had.
Backstage Chad was clearly livid and tried to make things physical. But everyone stopped him, and his hands were bleeding because apparently he hit a door.
Later on in the night Evan kept instigating. Which, as much as I hate Chad, Evan was definitely trying to start something here and get a rise out of Chad. Evan also told Jojo that if Chad stays he will leave. Which is aggressive and manipulative in and of itself. I dislike Chad, but fuck Evan too, honestly. How dare you assume you have that kind of power.
Before giving anyone the rose, Jojo took Evan aside to tell him that she wanted to give him the rose, but that she also wanted to keep Chad.
While Jojo was talking about the day and picking Evan, Chad asked if this was really happening. Jojo told him that she didn’t want him to be disrespectful and that’s what he was doing.
Back at the home the next day, Derek, his roommate, decided he felt unsafe in the house. So they got a security guard for the house.
The other one-on-one date went to James Taylor himself. They went swing dancing. It was boring. MORE DRAMA PLZ.
Daniel, who was buds with Chad at the beginning, told him that it’s getting hard to be friends with him. He then compared him to Hitler, Mussolini, Trump, and Bush, all within twenty seconds. Chad ate carrots.
Jojo, please stop talking about Ben. EVERYBODY KNOWS WE DON’T NEED MORE REFRESHERS.
James was called Luke Long Neck when he was 12. That is his sad story. That is why he is a self-proclaimed underdog. This is what our patriarchal society stems from, guys. These aren’t real problems.
Don’t worry though, he sang all his troubles away, because god forbid he go anywhere without his guitar.
Jojo decided to have no cocktail party tonight, and to go straight to the rose ceremony at night. But she did decide she wanted an all day pool party.
After Chris gave this news to the guys, Evan followed Chris out to tell him about Chad and how he felt unsafe around him. So Chris stepped in, and asked to talk to Chad alone. He didn’t ask him to leave, but instead asked him to settle it with an approach that might be received well.
Chad angrily stalked back into the house, talking about violence, and that’s where we leave off until tomorrow night, where it looks like more than one guy will be bleeding.
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