'The Bachelorette' Recap

Okay, let’s pretend we care about literally anything but Kimye/Taylor right now. (We don't, hence only Kim K gifs throughout).

We’ve made it. Hometown dates are upon us, which means we get to see more of middle America than we ever want to.

First stop was Chase’s family in Colorado. Sorry - his ‘broken home’ (aka his parents divorced when he was 8.)

Because of this they spent the day with his dad and the night with his mom. It was all excruciatingly boring.

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Next up was Chico, California where the Rodgers live. Although we know from previews that there’s drama between Jordan and Aaron.

Jordan took her to his high school, because of COURSE he’s the guy still stuck in high school and never wanted to leave.

This hometown visit was the epitome of sad white man. A quote from his brother: “nothing’s been handed to Jordan, nothing in his life has been easy”, which is an HILARIOUS JOKE. Good job at comedy, bro.

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Jojo is still worried that Jordan is just telling her what she wants to hear. Which, who even knows at this point.

Next was St. Augustine, Florida, with Robby. The drama with this one is that he broke up with his ex-girlfriend very conveniently timed to the taping of the show. Honestly I don’t like him so I believe that.

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Finally we visited Texas to hang out with Luke.

That date was literally so boring I stopped watching and instead trolled MY OWN INSTAGRAM FEED. Looking through my own photos was more interesting than watching these two boring people say the exact same things we’ve seen the first hour and a half of the show.

Apparently they didn’t time the production schedule tight enough, so the rose ceremony took place on a airplane hangar.

Before the ceremony started, Jojo said she was ready to send Luke home, but then he pulled her aside to tell her that he loves her. Because those twenty fucking minutes we had to sit watching them just spitting BS to each other wasn’t time to tell her. 

BUT WE HAVE TO WAIT BECAUSE LUKE TOOK UP TO MUCH TIME, ADD IN HER CRYING FOR FIVE MINUTES, AND BOOM. Next week we have to find out who she chose. Next Tuesday we also get the Men Tell All.

But honestly, let’s just get back to the Taylor vs Kimye drama.

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