Welcome back to the Big Man Baby Brawl Bananza™!
Former Bachelorette Jojo stopped by to give Tayshia some advice. Still love seeing near-strangers hang out in close contact when I haven’t seen so many of my nearest and dearest in almost a year. Very fun, very chill.
Chris Harrison has to leave us for the week to take his son to college. Luckily Jojo’s negative COVID-test (I assume), allows her to step into his shoes and take over as host for the week.
The first date card was for Zac, a one-on-one. On this date they went to a photoshoot where they were going to take their ‘wedding photos’. They took it VERY seriously.
Tayshia talked about how she had been married before, which we knew, turns out Zac C. was also married once before, which she thinks is ‘cool’.
During the dinner portion of their date he told her about what happened pre-marriage, which was that he had a brain tumour. He had emergency surgery and was okay-ish. But then he rushed into marriage and then fell into drinking and drugs. And his DUI is the reason his last wife left him. He eventually went to rehab, and now years later is on the board of that rehab. Good for him, I’m proud of Zac C. (And so is Tayshia, because she gave him the rose on the date).
Meanwhile, back at casa de COVID, Spencer, Ivan, Ed, Blake, Brendan, Riley, DeMar, Bennett, Ben, and Noah were chosen for the group date. This means that Eazy got the second one-on-one of the episode.
For the group date they had to sketch nude models. Basic Bennett™ snagged a seat from Noah beside Tayshia. And for the second portion of the date they had blindfolds on while they worked with clay, and Basic Bennett™ took the opportunity to kiss Tayshia. As he said ‘50 Shades of Clay’.
Finally they had to do self portraits, and whoever had the best one would get extra time with her. Army veteran Ben has really been struggling and it showed during this date. He walked off before presenting a self portrait, and came back naked to show he could be vulnerable and give her all of him.
Tayshia had to excuse herself as she got emotional from the way they opened up to her. Which was definitely impressive to do in front of a room full of their competition. Because they were all so great they all get to spend the night with her. Ben opened up more in the cocktail party to Tayshia. He told her had an eating disorder for ten years. For all his opening up, Ben got the group date rose. Bennett and Noah continued their bickering from the house into the group date. And Tayshia called them out on their bull shit and said she would figure out what was happening between them.
On Eazy’s date, Tayshia started by scaring him and his switch from scream to laughter was really wonderful. They then went to explore the haunted parts of the resort they were at. This was one of the more fun dates to watch. They seemed to be genuinely having a fun time and their laughters pounded more real than it ever does on this show.
While on their date the men were talking about how Eazy and Tayshia’s connection was probably the strongest, but then she shocked us all by not giving him the rose! She said she’s not quite where he is, despite the fact he’s basically done nothing wrong. I’m genuinely sad about this one. Eazy was so great! Tayshia what are you doing!? How is Baby Bennett™ and No Nickname Noah™ still there and Eazy gone? Nope. Not fair. It also happened so quickly. None of this was right.
Before the rose ceremony could begin, Tayshia wanted to solve the Bennett/Noah drama, so she invited the two of them to a private pre-ceremony hangout where there would be one rose - so one would stay and one would go (or, you know, she could just get rid of both of them).
Before she got there, Bennett gave Noah some gifts, in a very odd power move. He went on about emotional intelligence and ended by saying he “was not trying to belittle you, I am trying to love you up”. Cool, bro. Tayshia finally joined them after they had hashed it out a bit. They continued to go at each other in front of her and she was not having it. She then noticed Bennett’s gift and I think that will be the final straw for her when this is continued next week.
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We started our episode back with all the men mad at Noah. Surprise, surprise. But also, same.
Then the men who were not at the last group date started a new group date where they had to write a love song for Tayshia. Yawn. Ivan wrote the best song so he got one-on-one time with Tayshia. I like that in this season some of the one-on-ones are just them hanging out in Tayshia’s home. Also how instead of helicopters and rooftops they are LITERALLY playing the floor is lava.
They ordered room service, which included a ginormous bowl of ice cream, like, inhumanely large. And it was just grossly dripping onto the coffee table. I cannot.
Noah was mad about not being included on another group date. But was clearly just trying to rile the other men up. Time to sit down Noah. Ivan and Tayshia had a conversation about Black Lives Matter and the way their year has been so tough because of all the stuff going on in the world for them, and how amazing it’s been to watch the movement grow. It’s great to see this portrayed on a TV show that will hopefully hit homes where they maybe wouldn’t hear a conversation like this otherwise. Of course Ivan got the rose on this date, because they really do seem to have a genuine connection.
The next group date had to do a scavenger hunt while Tayshia and her two BFFs watched. Again, how are they all allowed in this bubble?! I haven’t seen my best friends in months! What the actual fuck.
Zack got the rose on the group date. Ben was upset he didn’t get any time with her this week, and was getting worried about that, so he decided to walk to her room to be bold. Little did he know, Ed had the same plan. Ed managed to show up at Chris Harrison’s room at 2:30 in the morning by accident (thanks producers!). So then Ben had Tayshia all to himself.
At the cocktail party, Noah let Tayshia know that he was getting flack at the house for getting the rose he got, basically trying to pit her against the men. Girl see past it and get rid of this fool!
Tayshia then pulled the men all into one room where she reamed them out for thinking she was trying to start drama. She let them know that if they wanted to question her she’d gladly walked them outside. Then she left until the rose ceremony. Of course all the guys were like ??? and quickly figured out Noah was the last one to talk to her.
In the end, a few more (four) men whose names I do not remember (but I am starting to recognize more faces…) went home.
Welcome to the first full Tayshia episode of this season of The Bachelorette.
Unfortunately for us, the drama of the season is now seemingly done… so we have to suffer through a regular season unless something unexpected happens, but that feels unlikely now. We started with a group date, where former contestants (and married couple) Ashley and Jared were there to ask the men some questions. Bennett, Mr. Harvard educated, did very poorly and blamed the wording of the questions. They then had to physically go for it by trying to get a bouquet. Followed by a breakfast-in-bed making competition. I have to say, Ashley and jared were pretty close to Tayshia, so I would love to know what the COVID protocols were around these guests that are joining the show. Since they made such a big deal about these big babies quarantine for two weeks, I think they should also be transparent with the guests. Just saying. (As I typed that Ashley sneezed and said something like “I tested!” So I guess they maybe just had to take a test to be allowed in? Genuinely curious). Bennett went in for a kiss in front of all the guys, and that did not go over well. He really gives off certain… vibes that are definitely obvious to pretty much everyone.
Bennett then wore the robe he wore during the challenge and tried to immediately take her for one-on-one, and she had to be like “whoa, slow down”. Then Jayson? Chase-son? I don’t know his name.. Ended up taking her off first, which clearly got under Bennett’s skin.
Tayshia got her smooches in on this date (get it girl!), and the guys got mad at each other. I think the COVID bubble mixed with the Clare and Dale drama this season really amped up the way the men interact with each other. Ivan got the rose on the group date. Thankful one of the few men who didn’t make any drama on this date. Next up was the rose ceremony. For some reason Ed was still carrying the doll he got at the challenge with him. Him and Chayson got into another argument, and Ed brought the issue to Tayshia.
Chasen was somehow not sent home. Which, maybe he’ll find some other adjective than ‘smokeshow’ to describe Tayshia going forward. Ed did get one also, even though he is still a big baby-carrying baby.
Three guys got sent home. Don’t ask me who because I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen them before in my life. Sorry boys. The next group date had Chasen and Ed in it, and happened to be a wrestling challenge. For some reason Wells (who used to be on the show and is now engaged to Sarah Hyland), was helping to MC the event. AGAIN, very close to Chris Harrison, HOW IS THIS SAFE. I haven’t seen my parents in months but they can have guests in and out of this COVID bubble?! Infuriating, quite frankly. Ed pulled Chris aside to tell him that his shoulders chronically dislocate, and so didn’t want to participate. Meanwhile Chasen won the event, and Noah (who wasn’t on the date but was watching) had jumped the fence to fight him and even though he lost, Tayshia liked that so he got to join them for the latter part of the date. OF COURSE this angered some of the men. Because everything does.
Tayshia asked Noah if he’d shave his moustache and he took this opportunity to go away and come back to her with a razer, which made the men mad because he wasn’t even supposed to be on the date. Also they didn’t have, like, water or soap while she shaved it off? It stressed me out.
When she came back Ben asked to talk to her before she gave the rose out, and she said she was disappointed he didn’t come find her earlier because the night was over. She then gave the rose to Noah, which was a yikes move. Even more yikes was when she asked the guys to confirm that he looked good without a moustache. Girl, come on.
And so concludes this week. See you back here for more. (And more… COVID approved guests??)
As you may remember from last week - for the first time in Bachelor history, there is a new Bachelorette mid-season.
We are here for Tayshia Adams’ first full episode. Well almost full episode. We started off with the men ready to meet the new pick. They were all, understandably, a little hesitant. And, of course, Tayshia was worried about feeling like a second choice. She started meeting a few of the men. But of course Chris had to interrupt her and pull her aside because “everything’s about to change”. Again. Up pulls a limo full of men for her to meet. Because of course - they already had a few men walk away (and were probably worried a few more might change their minds post-Clare). So we got a few new dudes. Totally starting from scratch.
Of course all the guys already there were pretty salty about the new men, especially when one guy took her away right when they came in. I think it’s good for HER that there’s new guys in the house. The first men are so bitter over the whole thing I doubt many of them will be able to open up and be the best versions of themselves for Tayshia. But these new men will bring some new FIRE into the house.
She took a shine to Spencer, one of the new guys. So he got the (second) first impression rose, and the first kiss from Tayshia.
Then there was supposed to be a rose ceremony, right away, but Tayshia cancelled it, but then they got to spend more time chatting and hanging out. For some reason we had to have a catch up with Clare and Dale… I really don’t care about them now that they’re off the show. Of course they vehemently denied that they did not talk or meet or anything prior to the show. The interview went on for far too long. We get it, they are supposedly in love. Clare clearly really wants babies and Dale seems maybe less on board for it. The end. Yawn.
Finally we got back to Tayshia, at home in Clare’s old digs.
The first date was a group date. And they all got a slo-mo of Tayshia getting out of the pool (that they definitely used for more than a few promos). She then got the boys to strip down and get in the pool. The COVID bubble dates are funny because they’re so basic compared to usual. Just a pool party. Of course it did get “kicked up a notch” with some ‘splash ball’. Mmk. One team won and got more time with Tayshia, and the other team had to go back to the house. Ezee got the rose from that date. Back at the house, Jason was the first of the previous batch of men to voice that he wasn’t all in and that he still had feelings for Clare. He decided to leave because he was very much in love with Clare. Tayshia kind of tried to make him stay, but girl you gotta let someone like that go. It was her fear, but he assured her that he was an anomaly. In all honesty, it was nice and it’s good he was honest with her. As Tayshia said “that was a man who was working through his emotions”. So true. Good for both of them. Brendan got the first one-on-one. They went for a horseback ride around the bubble, where Chris Harrison played a little game where he kept showing up on every corner. Brendan was annoyed because he felt Chris was ruining his chances at a kiss. He got that kiss in the pool, and Tayshia was very into it. It was pretty cute. At the dinner portion, Brendan had to tell her that he has been married and divorced already. LITTLE did he know - so has Tayshia! So all is well and Brendan got the rose. And so concludes our first night! Well, a teaser of lots of drama to come completed the night. So far I like Tayshia. A different energy than Clare. But calmer, and almost less combative. It felt like Clare literally didn’t want to give any guy a chance, but Tayshia so far is open and sweet and just a good energy to her. So let's see what the rest of the season brings. 
Did Chris Harrison save the most dramatic episode ever for election week because he knew we’d need this escape? I’d like to think so.
We opened on the men from the group date griping about their lack of time and energy from Clare. Then over to the woman in question as she ruminates on her love for Dale. Chris Harrison showed up to talk to her, because obviously that had to happen. Clare seemed genuinely surprised that he was there. But Chris needed to talk. He told her the guys were unhappy and confused. That they are good guys, and they are not dumb. “The path we’re on right now, we can’t continue.” When probed by Chris about how she’s feeling she said that she was totally head over heels with Dale. She admitted then, too, to looking at all the guys social media pages to see who was coming and Dale caught her eye then. She was adamant that they had zero contact though before meeting on the show. They rarely break that wall for us, so that was interesting for sure. Poor Chris looked like “girl you are making my job way harder”. But he then said “congrats, you’ve officially blown up The Bachelor.” I hope he gets a raise for bringing home this one.
The men got ready for the rose ceremony, unawares what was happening behind the scenes.
Chris came in post-Clare conversation, and told the men that there would be no cocktail party tonight AND that there would be no rose ceremony. He then took Dale aside, because everyone wants private time with Dale it seems.
Clare and Dale got a special one-on-one where she was going to tell him how she feels.
And they both were all:
And we had a classic Bachelor moment, with private musicians. I have questions about this though - could the other men hear this music? Did these musicians have to quarantine? What is “The Bachelor Presents: Listen to your Heart” - which is how they identified the musicians Chris and Bri? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
They went back to Clare’s suite and basically had a honeymoon suite type of night together. The editing in the “coming up” sections were some for the ages. They really are making it seem like Dale now has to propose and marry Clare ASAP. But really, I’m happy for Clare and Dale. They do seem well suited and if the point of the show is to find love, good for her for actually doing it! First though, Clare had to go into the house and break it to the boys that she just wasn’t that into them.
Some of the men wanted an apology, while others appreciated her courage to come and tell them the truth. I like those guys.
I do feel bad for the rest of the men, they were clearly pretty bummed and crushed about teh whole thing, understandably so. Meanwhile Chris had to call up Neil Lane to get a ring so that Dale could propose TODAY. Because falling in love isn’t real until you’ve rushed into a marriage. Chris went and told Dale then that he would be proposing because “Clare broke up with all the other guys today”. I really thought this episode would be them sending Clare and Dale off and starting on the next venture but of course it wasn’t. We had to drag the whole thing out as long as humanly possible. They even had Chris come up to her to tell her they were all proud of her, really making it seem like Dale wasn’t going to come propose to her. BUT HE DID SHOW UP! SHOCK! And he proposed! And she said yes! They are getting married.
Next up the men were shown packing up. Favourite line: “It sucks for Jason, it sucks for Chayson.”
Chris came to let the men know that Dale proposed and that him and Clare had left the bubble already and were off living their happy lives while the men were simply still processing it. But he also came with good news! He was here to let them know their journey wasn’t over, and in fact they could each make a decision on whether they wanted to stay or not. They had to make that decision by TONIGHT. Gotta be ready to roll with it boys! Of the 16 remaining men, all of them stayed (because of course they did, what else were they going to do?). Including Blake who was really into Clare, if you’ll remember. They all turned up in their suits for another cocktail party, waiting for the new Bachelorette, who is… drumroll please… Tayshia Adams! I have not seen her seasons, but she has been on both The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. All the men are re-energized and ready to go. So I guess let’s do this!
A day late and a dollar short, or you know a day late and another man (or, like, 5) short. Now that This Is Us has returned to Tuesday nights, I have to prioritize my TV watching, so you can expect these a day behind going forward.
We opened on the cocktail party, pre-rose ceremony. And baby boy Yosef who is still unhappy about what happened on the date he was not on.
He confronted Clare about all the ‘red flags’ he had with her. As you may imagine, this didn’t go over great.
He went on to say it wasn’t what he expected from the oldest Bachelorette ever. And that he was ashamed to be associated with her because she was a bad example to his daughter. He really tore into her and you could see her just trying to contain herself and take this in before losing it. She finally did lose it on him, telling him that she’d never want her children to have a father like him and she kicked his ass out.
As walking out he kept yelling about her age and the other guys tried to calm him down and not lose their shit.
She went off to the producers until her boy Dale came to save the day for her. This flipped her mood because she loOoOoves him. Chris Harrison made an appearance to make sure she was okay and get her feelings. Then we had the rose ceremony, where a few more guys were sent home. We’re still at the point in the season where you go “WHO is that?!” for most of the guys they don’t focus on, so we’re not onto the important rose ceremonies quite yet.
Then a former Bachelorette, (I don’t know who - I missed it because I was scrolling Instagram and I don’t know the franchise that well, clearly) came to give her support. I guess she quarantined, too? For two weeks? Before a cameo?
Of course Clare just talked about her love for Dale the whole time. Then Clare somehow was four hours late to her day date (which was a group one), and instead they just got a cocktail party with her. Dale asked to speak to Clare one-on-one first during the date. He did it in a respectful manner, but then that went out the window because they basically spent the whole night together, leaving the rest of the men just sitting around waiting for them to finish smooching in her room.
Everyone was pissed because then they all had to rush their alone time with her. Everyone seemed very on edge and aggressive for the rest of the date. Especially when Dale made another appearance and showed up for a second alone time with her. Yikes.
Dale got the rose on that date and then just dug himself in deeper with the men by trying to explain himself and doing a poor job of it. The men. Are. Pissed.
Zach J got the one-on-one date, where they went for a spa day (in the compound, of course). And, of course, Clare wishes she was really there with Dale.
They had a super super awkward almost-kiss. Which would be one cringey thing. But then Clare tried to walk away and he kind of tried to pull her back, more than once, and do a do-over of the kiss, but it was very forced and uncomfortable and not ok. If she no longer wants to kiss, don’t kiss! It upset Clare (understandably) enough, that she didn’t go to dinner and had Chris Harrison go to break up with him for her. And so Zach got sent home. Back at the pool there was talk of Clare and Dale possibly being in communication prior to the show. Which, who knows if that’s true or not. Not sure if we’ll find that out. Next up was another group date, and Margaret Cho was there to help the men write jokes for a roast. The rest of the men came to be the audience for the show.
Of course the men really tore into Dale, especially Bennett. Honestly all of their complaints about him seem to be not that bad?
Anyways, Clare was not pleased, naturally, that they hurt her boy. Although Dale took it well - back at the house he told Eazy that he deserved it and he was okay with it. Meanwhile during the cocktail portion of the evening was still monopolized by Dale and Clare asking about their jokes about Dale. Literally every guy she talked to about him. That’s pretty rude and tough on those guys, I gotta say. She ended up saying that she didn’t get what she needed from the men and didn’t give any of them a rose on that date. That led to talk of the men walking out. (But they didn’t - at least not on this episode. Probably because they are trapped there). Next episode is where things will get wild… and we get a NEW Bachelorette?!
We open back on the COVID-free compound. Clare is still in love with Dale. The boys are excited to socialize (must be nice).
The first date is a group date, which includes a bunch of guys who are going to be overshadowed by Dale, who Clare picked because she couldn’t wait to see him again.
The men showed their love language to Clare, and they all professed their love. Which is all clearly very genuine after knowing someone for two days.
Then the date boys came running past the pool boys to grab things for a gift to Clare, in a part that was not really fully explained. This date almost hurt to watch it was so cringe-y and awkward. I think that all the dates will be this way because they are trapped in their compound, so there’s only so much they can do. Next love language was physical touch. Which feels truly cruel to brag about right now. Clare complaining that quarantine was too long… as if we aren’t all doing that and CURRENTLY in it. During the afterparty part of the date, nobody seemed to want to talk with her one-on-one until Bennett stepped up to the plate. Clare was so pissed she left poor Bennett and went and gave the guys shit for not manning up.
They (almost) all apologized, until Yosef said that she was ‘crazy’ for thinking they weren’t here for her. He said he was speaking for the group and that did not go over well.
Luckily Dale swept her away (seriously, poor Bennett!!) She managed to talk to more of the guys, eventually, and realized there were other men there. Riley got the rose for the date, although Dale thought he was going to get it, of course.
Then Jason got the first one-on-one date, where they opened up to each other by a fire pit. Unsure where on #COVIDcompound this is.
This date was basically a therapy session for each of them. Yelling, breaking things. Letter writing. Sure. Honestly he seems very sweet. I don’t think they’re meant for each other but I hope he finds love. Then we got to the second group date, where they played dodgeball. Kenny (boy band manager), was ecstatic about this. Clare of course had to up the ante, so it turned into strip dodgeball. Last team standing would get one-on-one time with her. They got down to their skivvies, and then some.
The losing team had to go back in their little jockstrap things. Most of the guys handled it pretty well, but Blake was upset about losing, and he wasn’t going to take it. So he crashed the date to get more time with her. Which is a classic dick move. I’m glad the guy he interrupted stood up a little bit to him, until it was clear he wasn’t leaving.
The rest of the men weren’t putting up with it and came to confront him. I am personally no longer team Blake. That’s not cool and not “ballsy”, it’s just obnoxious, rude, and classic toxic masculinity at play. Whatever producer put him up to it was really trying to start something.
Not that the date got much better after Blake left. The next guy on the docket, Brad, just said he liked her looks, but came on the show for her. Despite knowing nothing about her. Woof. She actually sent him packing mid-date. Which is pretty rare. A full breakup, mid-group date. YIKES.
Chayson? There’s someone named that? Got the date rose after some heavy smooching. Back at the house the next day, Yosef went on to say he wouldn’t respect Clare if she had made him strip during dodgeball. He thought it was “classless”. Has he ever seen an episode of this show? Does he truly not understand what he’s signed up for?
At the rose ceremony, Clare pulled Blake aside and GAVE HIM A ROSE because she thought it was great that he keeps breaking the rules. No girl.
He then had to walk back into the party, for an extremely awkward moment with the rest of the men. While Dale swept Clare away again, of course, for some very hot and heavy private time. We won’t get the actual rose ceremony until next week, where it looks like the men are getting angry, yet again. Every part of this episode was cringey and hard to watch. (If they bring up how difficult their quarantine was one more time, so help me.) You’re welcome for watching it for you.
Well Bach-heads, we are in for *cue music* the most dramatic season ever.
But actually are we?! First off we’re in for a different season because of COVID-19. Chris Harrison addressed this off the top. “A lot of work, a lot of patience, and a lot of testing.” So more than the White House has done. Secondly, they are not only not at the regular mansion - they’re not even in LA.
We flashed back to ‘regular’ times (aka February of 2020), when they have video footage of asking Clare Crawley to be the Bachelorette. She obviously knew this was coming since there was someone there filming her conversation.
We see some of her journey here, aka we are forced to endure more Juan Pablo. You may remember she went to Paradise two times. But will this be the one that works for her? Oh, have we mentioned yet that she’s 39? Because the show sure has!
Then cue some dramatic shots of her quarantining at home. (I did shed a tear over her talking about how tough it’s been with not being able to see her mom, who is in a care facility due to Alzheimers.)
But fear not! Chris Harrison is to the rescue to cure COVID - or at least loneliness. They are going ahead with filming; after testing Clare, and everyone, and staying in Palm Springs, in a...commune?
Then the men were ridiculously whiny about getting COVID tests outside of their personal villas in sunny California. Very tough. Very rough.
We also got to see them all quarantining… which was basically a lot of bed jumping. Just what we tune into escapist TV for.
On the night she’s to meet the men, her and Chris sit down and have a heart to heart, discussing her journey and more about how she’s still trying, even at 39, to find love.
Then we got the man parade - the usual antics (a man in a straight jacket, someone driving a station wagon - so suburban! - a man in a literal bubble), and Clare pretending to think every guy is so clever and funny.
As was obvious from the music change, Dale, former pro-athlete, stole the show in Clare’s eyes. “I knew it. I think I just met my husband.” She seemed truly floored. Feeling things she’s never felt, ever. Chris Harrison said it’s the first time he’s seen anyone so sure. He even seemed a little uncomfortable enough to say “you do know there’s more coming?”
Highlight of the episode: Honey, Clare’s dog, crashing the cocktail party. Eventually, out came the first impression rose. The man in the straight jacket was still in the straight jacket, despite having been at the party now for presumably a long time. Was he drinking? Was he just sitting there like that with everyone? You have to give up the, not-great-to-begin-with, gag at some point. Tyler supposedly knew that Yosef was doing stuff all over Instagram, and talking to girls Tyler knew. And he was not going to put up with it. He said something directly to Yosef, who denied it. “I have no idea what mini-McConaughey was saying.” Yosef then went and told Clare what Tyler is doing. So she pulls Tyler aside, and another guy quips “I hope that’s about the fight and not the first impression rose.”
Of course in front of Clare, Yosef kept pledging his innocence, while the rest of the men, understandably, complained inside about how this was taking away from their potential time with Clare.
For her part, Clare just let them continue to hash it out, as she went to go talk to more of the men. She pulled Blake aside and part-reprimanded him, part-applauded him for being the only one who broke the rule of no contact pre-show during quarantine. She very much appreciated him doing so, and he was awarded with the first kiss (and the producers made it seem like the first impression rose, but no dice). That had to go to Dale. Her future husband. Love of her life.
Finally we got to the rose ceremony - at this point it barely really matters who is in and out, because if we haven’t gotten to know the guy in this episode, and he’s eliminated, well, we were never really meant to know them. Thanks for quarantining. Back to isolation at home you go.
(It really does suck for these guys though, they’ve had to put their life on hold longer than they normally would have, but such is love in the time of COVID). But at least they got to hug somebody! It was FULL daylight out when the rose ceremony was over, which means this was a LONG night. Somebody get that man out of his straight jacket! Has he peed?! Is he ok?! For what it’s worth - I think I’m team Blake. He’s so cute! I also do not trust Yosef. Or Tyler (but he’s gone, so bye).
And thus concludes the first episode of the most dramatic season ever.
This season seems like a LOT of drama is on the way, and is almost guaranteed to be a perfect distraction from this dystopian world we’re living in. Check back next week for a new recap, with more wine and gifs. 
Spoilers ahead, OBVIOUSLY.
Jojo is ready to make the most difficult decision of her life. Or she isn’t ready. When she’s with Robbie she thinks of Jordan, and when she’s with Jordan she thinks of Robbie. Maybe because they look the exact same?
Tonight the interchangeable’s got to meet Jojo’s parents, and ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage. I’m sure they thought they were just meeting the same guy twice and were like “please don’t make us go through this again, just marry her already”.
Only prob was that Jordan did not ask for their hand (but Robbie did). As if that will stop her obsessing over Jordan ever. Jordan brought her parents hats. HILARIOUS hats. Like a pink straw hat and a cowboy hat. Hysterical. Where does he come up with fresh material all the time?
Jojo’s mom let Robbie know that she is SUPER over Jojo’s whole broken heart thing, and is pretty sick of hearing about it at the dinner table.
In their last moments together on their final date, Robbie gave Jojo pictures of each other, so she can frame them if they get married or burn them if she chooses someone else. For his gift, Jordan gave Jojo extreme doubt. Jordan DID call her parents and ended up asking for their permission to ask marry her. Side note: Jojo’s dad’s name is Joe. So there’s that to sit on.
So going into the final rose ceremony, Joji Berry was clearly feeling more confident in Robbie and less confident in Jordan to propose and not totally fuck her over.
But Jordan wrote her a letter to let her know that he would always be there for her as he lint rolled his suit jacket while shirtless. In the end I KNEW IT and guessed correctly that her obsession with Jordan was too deep to turn back now. (For real though I think this is the first time my pick from night one has actually won). Cruellest line uttered by Jojo to Robbie: “I know you’ll love me until the day that you die”. Like girl calm down you’ve known each other three months and he’ll be the next Bachelor or some shit.
I do respect Jordan for using her full name, because I like that in a proposal. They did both seem genuinely happy, too. So we can let them be happy for a few minutes (before it inevitably goes down in flames).
Tonight we’re back at the airplane hangar, where Jojo is still crying because Luke said he loves her and now she’s torn about who to choose. Which really means she’s going by what she thinks she should do, and not with her gut. Bad choice Joji berry.
The roses ended up going to Jordan, Robby, and Chase. So she DID do what she originally planned, which means the overdramatics were truly for nothing. It’s okay though, we got another 10 minutes of a very weird goodbye, where Jojo just cried over and over and Luke looked off into the distance like a lost puppy.
But finally they put us out of our misery and we got to see them all in Thailand for the fantasy suites. First up there was Robby, and they of course went to the fantasy suite but other than that it was yet another snooze fest.
Next up was Jordan, with another predictably boring date. Honestly, just one of these is fine and we can just interchange all the guys as necessary. But yada yada they went to the fantasy suite (which we know that this is all Jojo is gonna want from Jordan in the end, and you do you girl).
Finally we had Chase, and the date was super interesting and fun to watch! Just kiddddddding it was yet another snoozefest.
Robby showed up at Jojo’s place to creepily tell her how much he loves her, before she had her fantasy suite dinner date with Chase. She let us know that Chase is the only one she’s not in love with yet, so things aren’t looking good for him.
This was even more apparent when she decided she couldn’t even go through with the fantasy suite part of the date with him and ended up dumping him right there in the hotel room. Which was even more unfair because she went on about how all she wanted was for him to say he loves her, but only realized once he did that she didn't feel the way she should have. Brutally unfair, but she Taylor Swift-ed herself by playing the victim yet again. One thing we for sure learned: Thailand is hella hot. It’s one of the only things they actually talked about on each and every date.
The most drama in the past few episodes came when Chase showed up at the rose ceremony, just as Jojo was explaining to the other two how she had sent him home the night before. But don’t worry, the monotony was brought back when it was all just to end things on a good note. BORING. (Although a monkey followed him out so I guess that was worth it).
So Jordan and Robby are heading to the end. But before that, we get The Men Tell All tomorrow night, which I won’t be blogging because honestly I don’t think I can. #struggleisreal |