We open back on the COVID-free compound. Clare is still in love with Dale. The boys are excited to socialize (must be nice).
The first date is a group date, which includes a bunch of guys who are going to be overshadowed by Dale, who Clare picked because she couldn’t wait to see him again.
The men showed their love language to Clare, and they all professed their love. Which is all clearly very genuine after knowing someone for two days.
Then the date boys came running past the pool boys to grab things for a gift to Clare, in a part that was not really fully explained. This date almost hurt to watch it was so cringe-y and awkward. I think that all the dates will be this way because they are trapped in their compound, so there’s only so much they can do. Next love language was physical touch. Which feels truly cruel to brag about right now. Clare complaining that quarantine was too long… as if we aren’t all doing that and CURRENTLY in it. During the afterparty part of the date, nobody seemed to want to talk with her one-on-one until Bennett stepped up to the plate. Clare was so pissed she left poor Bennett and went and gave the guys shit for not manning up.
They (almost) all apologized, until Yosef said that she was ‘crazy’ for thinking they weren’t here for her. He said he was speaking for the group and that did not go over well.
Luckily Dale swept her away (seriously, poor Bennett!!) She managed to talk to more of the guys, eventually, and realized there were other men there. Riley got the rose for the date, although Dale thought he was going to get it, of course.
Then Jason got the first one-on-one date, where they opened up to each other by a fire pit. Unsure where on #COVIDcompound this is.
This date was basically a therapy session for each of them. Yelling, breaking things. Letter writing. Sure. Honestly he seems very sweet. I don’t think they’re meant for each other but I hope he finds love. Then we got to the second group date, where they played dodgeball. Kenny (boy band manager), was ecstatic about this. Clare of course had to up the ante, so it turned into strip dodgeball. Last team standing would get one-on-one time with her. They got down to their skivvies, and then some.
The losing team had to go back in their little jockstrap things. Most of the guys handled it pretty well, but Blake was upset about losing, and he wasn’t going to take it. So he crashed the date to get more time with her. Which is a classic dick move. I’m glad the guy he interrupted stood up a little bit to him, until it was clear he wasn’t leaving.
The rest of the men weren’t putting up with it and came to confront him. I am personally no longer team Blake. That’s not cool and not “ballsy”, it’s just obnoxious, rude, and classic toxic masculinity at play. Whatever producer put him up to it was really trying to start something.
Not that the date got much better after Blake left. The next guy on the docket, Brad, just said he liked her looks, but came on the show for her. Despite knowing nothing about her. Woof. She actually sent him packing mid-date. Which is pretty rare. A full breakup, mid-group date. YIKES.
Chayson? There’s someone named that? Got the date rose after some heavy smooching. Back at the house the next day, Yosef went on to say he wouldn’t respect Clare if she had made him strip during dodgeball. He thought it was “classless”. Has he ever seen an episode of this show? Does he truly not understand what he’s signed up for?
At the rose ceremony, Clare pulled Blake aside and GAVE HIM A ROSE because she thought it was great that he keeps breaking the rules. No girl.
He then had to walk back into the party, for an extremely awkward moment with the rest of the men. While Dale swept Clare away again, of course, for some very hot and heavy private time. We won’t get the actual rose ceremony until next week, where it looks like the men are getting angry, yet again. Every part of this episode was cringey and hard to watch. (If they bring up how difficult their quarantine was one more time, so help me.) You’re welcome for watching it for you.
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Well Bach-heads, we are in for *cue music* the most dramatic season ever.
But actually are we?! First off we’re in for a different season because of COVID-19. Chris Harrison addressed this off the top. “A lot of work, a lot of patience, and a lot of testing.” So more than the White House has done. Secondly, they are not only not at the regular mansion - they’re not even in LA.
We flashed back to ‘regular’ times (aka February of 2020), when they have video footage of asking Clare Crawley to be the Bachelorette. She obviously knew this was coming since there was someone there filming her conversation.
We see some of her journey here, aka we are forced to endure more Juan Pablo. You may remember she went to Paradise two times. But will this be the one that works for her? Oh, have we mentioned yet that she’s 39? Because the show sure has!
Then cue some dramatic shots of her quarantining at home. (I did shed a tear over her talking about how tough it’s been with not being able to see her mom, who is in a care facility due to Alzheimers.)
But fear not! Chris Harrison is to the rescue to cure COVID - or at least loneliness. They are going ahead with filming; after testing Clare, and everyone, and staying in Palm Springs, in a...commune?
Then the men were ridiculously whiny about getting COVID tests outside of their personal villas in sunny California. Very tough. Very rough.
We also got to see them all quarantining… which was basically a lot of bed jumping. Just what we tune into escapist TV for.
On the night she’s to meet the men, her and Chris sit down and have a heart to heart, discussing her journey and more about how she’s still trying, even at 39, to find love.
Then we got the man parade - the usual antics (a man in a straight jacket, someone driving a station wagon - so suburban! - a man in a literal bubble), and Clare pretending to think every guy is so clever and funny.
As was obvious from the music change, Dale, former pro-athlete, stole the show in Clare’s eyes. “I knew it. I think I just met my husband.” She seemed truly floored. Feeling things she’s never felt, ever. Chris Harrison said it’s the first time he’s seen anyone so sure. He even seemed a little uncomfortable enough to say “you do know there’s more coming?”
Highlight of the episode: Honey, Clare’s dog, crashing the cocktail party. Eventually, out came the first impression rose. The man in the straight jacket was still in the straight jacket, despite having been at the party now for presumably a long time. Was he drinking? Was he just sitting there like that with everyone? You have to give up the, not-great-to-begin-with, gag at some point. Tyler supposedly knew that Yosef was doing stuff all over Instagram, and talking to girls Tyler knew. And he was not going to put up with it. He said something directly to Yosef, who denied it. “I have no idea what mini-McConaughey was saying.” Yosef then went and told Clare what Tyler is doing. So she pulls Tyler aside, and another guy quips “I hope that’s about the fight and not the first impression rose.”
Of course in front of Clare, Yosef kept pledging his innocence, while the rest of the men, understandably, complained inside about how this was taking away from their potential time with Clare.
For her part, Clare just let them continue to hash it out, as she went to go talk to more of the men. She pulled Blake aside and part-reprimanded him, part-applauded him for being the only one who broke the rule of no contact pre-show during quarantine. She very much appreciated him doing so, and he was awarded with the first kiss (and the producers made it seem like the first impression rose, but no dice). That had to go to Dale. Her future husband. Love of her life.
Finally we got to the rose ceremony - at this point it barely really matters who is in and out, because if we haven’t gotten to know the guy in this episode, and he’s eliminated, well, we were never really meant to know them. Thanks for quarantining. Back to isolation at home you go.
(It really does suck for these guys though, they’ve had to put their life on hold longer than they normally would have, but such is love in the time of COVID). But at least they got to hug somebody! It was FULL daylight out when the rose ceremony was over, which means this was a LONG night. Somebody get that man out of his straight jacket! Has he peed?! Is he ok?! For what it’s worth - I think I’m team Blake. He’s so cute! I also do not trust Yosef. Or Tyler (but he’s gone, so bye).
And thus concludes the first episode of the most dramatic season ever.
This season seems like a LOT of drama is on the way, and is almost guaranteed to be a perfect distraction from this dystopian world we’re living in. Check back next week for a new recap, with more wine and gifs. |