'Bachelor in Paradise' Recap

So in case you missed it last week, it was announced that the one and only Nick Viall is our next Bachelor, which basically means that him and Jen aren't going to make it out of here engaged, even though they’ve been pimping that possibility.​

But Nick scored himself a date card after Tiara (chicken girl) showed up and gave him her date card. They went to a carnival and had fun (surprising since carnivals are usually so unfun).
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Meanwhile, Brett ended things with Izzy to be with Lauren. This sucks for Izzy because she had ended her relationship with Vinny to be with Brett. So she’s going to leave to try to salvage things with him.

She calls him from the car and can I say I am 99% sure her phone says his name is Vinny Vinnister. I hope I’m right on this and if I’m not please don’t tell me.

Also, girl you didn’t leave Paradise to try and work things out, you left because the other guy dumped you.

Anyways, Vinnister said no thanks you are shallow and dumb, ands he had to get the car to pull over so she could maybe vomit but for sure break down on the side of a Mexican highway. 

Shushanna got mad during the lead put to he ceremony and just basically ran away, which worked exactly how she wanted because Wells came after her. But she still ended up going home because she knew she was going to go home.

For the rose ceremony, Josh gave his rose to Amanda, Nick to Jen, Evan to Carly, Grant to Lace, while Brett left, leaving Lauren in the cold as well (this is after dumping Izzy, keep in mind). Then Wells, who was the most up for grabs gave his rose to Ashley, sending home the rest.

Then it was time for some fantasy suites, as if they haven’t already been bopping this entire time. 

Wells ended up deciding he wasn’t going to take Ashley’s virginity and didn’t go on the date with her. So they both went home.

Grant and Lace went on their date where they bought bracelets with the combination of their name “Grace”. Then they were like, not far enough, so let’s get tattoos. Grant’s line: “tattoos are permanent, but I think Lace and I are permanent”. I actually can’t believe they did it for real. They each have tattoos that are going to be there forever.

The rest of the dates seemed super lame after that.

Also just fuck Evan in general. What an asshat. 

Sidenote: Lace had stains on every single piece of clothing she wore tonight.

We ended with all the couples heading into their fantasy suites, and tomorrow night we’ll find out who gets engaged. Spoiler it won’t be Nick!!