Bachelor In Paradise Recap

In tonight’s episode: Joe catches a pineapple in the opening credits, unfortunately it did not incapacitate him from competing. 

That and the atom bomb that happened with Clare getting asked on a date with Jared.

In Mikey’s version of the story: she took her boobs out and said yes. Pretty sure that’s not what happened Mikey boy. 

Ashley continued to be ageist towards anyone older than her. Did you know if you reach age 30 you are a cougar for wanting a sex life.

Michael from Desiree’s season showed up with his eyes on Tenley, and asked her on his first date.

When the cocktail party began Juelia immediately said she’ll be giving Joe her rose, despite the fact that Joe is the worst and has been talking about Sam the whole show.

While some of the guys tried to warn Juelia against Joe, he played his manipulation game with her and got her back on his side.

He then went on to say how he wold break Jonathan’s jaw and if they were in Kentucky he’d beat Mikey up as well, because that’s a totally normal, sane reaction.

Jonathan ended up saying he was wrong and crying and apologizing to both Joe and Juelia. And then kept crying and crying because Joe is a MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE.

Observation: Ashley and Jared look like different versions of each other. Maybe that’s where their attraction comes from?

Clare went off on a tangent that nobody really understood. She basically said that last season was better because she hadn’t found a good match yet.

Carly gave her rose to Kirk, Ashley gave hers to Dan, Jade to Tanner, Tenley gave hers to Joshua (leaving the other two in her love square without anything), and Clare had no idea who to give it to so we are to be continued.

Next week Joe continues to be a complete asshole and Ashley S once again sums up our feelings.