'Bachelor In PAradise' Episode Two Recap

This just in: there’s an outbreak of crabs in Paradise.

Tonight, Clare made her first appearance to the group, but before we get into it can we all PLEASE discuss the opening credits? They are amazing. I can’t handle them. (PS. get caught up on last night's premiere here).

Is Jared just like way better looking in person? I don’t get the ladies obsession with him.

Ashley S came back from camp, she just wasn’t feeling well. But entitled Clare who just walked in and had met him three seconds prior is pissed that he took Ashley S to the hospital where they had a pseudo-date.

Clare ended up choosing Mikey for her first date on the island, much to her chagrin. They end up doing tantric yoga together, because totalllllly normal first dates, right? Only took one and a bit episodes to get someone to say sexual chakras.

After weaselling his way into a date with Clare, Mikey continued to disregard Clare flat out telling him that she wasn’t that interested in him throughout the date. But he’s still convinced they’re on the same page.

Ashley S got a date card in tonight’s episode, and unsurprisingly, chose Dan. She told us that she likes him a lot (in an Australian accent), and that she’s not sure if he makes her feel like a woman or a child, but she likes it either way.

Tenley is sad because nobody likes her, so she tries to steal Jared away and Ashley I cries some more.

JJ believes he should receive gifts because he has a rose. TRUE LOVE LADIEZ.

While Jillian thinks that she has JJ in the palm of her hand, Tenley was not giving up that easy (despite not wanting to work for it) - PS. Tenley has never been sent home in her Bachelor history. Girl, maybe this isn't working for you?

Jared promised Clare a rose despite telling Ashley I how great she is. Ashley (surprise) cried more.

Then came the rose ceremony. Tanner gave his to Jade, Kirk gave his to Carly, Dan gave his to Ashley S., Jonathan gave his to Juelia, Mikey gave his rose to Clare, while Jared gave his to Ashley I (and Lauren) and JJ gave his rose to Tenley after many dramatics. And so Jillian was sent home.