Over on the millennial tribe, Figgy and Taylor started smooching on each other and everyone found out.
Paul, the oldest Survivor there, suddenly went down while they were hanging around camp. They amped it up to seem like he possibly had a heart attack, but it was just heat exhaustion and dehydration. For the immunity and reward (tarp) challenge, Gen X miraculously won after falling so far behind. It was pretty shocking, but I think millennials are the type that only need to be knocked down once, then they won't let it happen again. This led to one of the more entertaining tribal councils, where there was a lot happening at once in tribal and a lot of feelings that were exposed. In the end Mari was the second person voted out of this season, leaving Figgy and Taylor to continue their love affair.
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The next day something happened that has NEVER happened in Survivor history. Jeff Probst came to each camp and EVACUATED the camps because the storm was going to be that serious. I mean, holy shit. They have never, ever evacuated a camp before.
The tribes came back on day three to their camps, which were completely destroyed. Most of the episode is letting us get a sneak peek at people’s personalities (Millennials has a freaks and geeks situation happening, and Gen X has hottie mchotterson Ken - the new Joe - and the weak links being David and Rachel). The first immunity challenge finally happened and millennials won (by taking only one shortcut, so stick that ‘millennials don’t work for anything’ in your pipe and smoke it). This sent Gen X to tribal council. After some sporadic voting, Rachel was the first one voted out of this season, after being too abrasive and not helping with the challenge.
Lace and Grant were questioning their relationship. Absolutely crazy for two people who GOT TATTOOS just the day before.
All the men met with American hero Neil Lane to find their engagement ring and stand with picturesque backgrounds with it.
Evan spoke about how he never wanted to get married again until now. Which, as if. Please stop. Then Nick said he hoped it was the last time he’d meet with Neil Lane (Bachelor you seriously fucked this one up).
Evan and Carly were the first to go and they professed their love and got engaged. UGH GIRL HE TRICKED YOU AND THEN HE CRIED GET OUTTA THERE.
ALSO - his exact words were: “will you freaking marry me” - NOTE TO ANYONE PLANNING TO PROPOSE TO ME IF YOU SAY THIS I WILL NOT ONLY SAY NO BUT CASTRATE YOU IN THE PROCESS. xoxoxoxo.
Anyways, Lace and Grant were next, and they had one of the most real proclamations of love and then got engaged. They are the only couple I am actually rooting for and very happy for. Tattoo and all.
Then we had Nick and Jen and like spoiler he’s the next Bachelor so they can’t possibly last. She laid her feelings out and said I love you and he said that something was telling him to say goodbye.
Then we had Amanda and Josh, where Amanda proclaimed her love and Josh (shockingly) proposed to her. (Then talked about how great the ring he picked out was, barf).
But Nick scored himself a date card after Tiara (chicken girl) showed up and gave him her date card. They went to a carnival and had fun (surprising since carnivals are usually so unfun).
Meanwhile, Brett ended things with Izzy to be with Lauren. This sucks for Izzy because she had ended her relationship with Vinny to be with Brett. So she’s going to leave to try to salvage things with him. She calls him from the car and can I say I am 99% sure her phone says his name is Vinny Vinnister. I hope I’m right on this and if I’m not please don’t tell me. Also, girl you didn’t leave Paradise to try and work things out, you left because the other guy dumped you. Anyways, Vinnister said no thanks you are shallow and dumb, ands he had to get the car to pull over so she could maybe vomit but for sure break down on the side of a Mexican highway. Shushanna got mad during the lead put to he ceremony and just basically ran away, which worked exactly how she wanted because Wells came after her. But she still ended up going home because she knew she was going to go home. For the rose ceremony, Josh gave his rose to Amanda, Nick to Jen, Evan to Carly, Grant to Lace, while Brett left, leaving Lauren in the cold as well (this is after dumping Izzy, keep in mind). Then Wells, who was the most up for grabs gave his rose to Ashley, sending home the rest. Then it was time for some fantasy suites, as if they haven’t already been bopping this entire time. Wells ended up deciding he wasn’t going to take Ashley’s virginity and didn’t go on the date with her. So they both went home. Grant and Lace went on their date where they bought bracelets with the combination of their name “Grace”. Then they were like, not far enough, so let’s get tattoos. Grant’s line: “tattoos are permanent, but I think Lace and I are permanent”. I actually can’t believe they did it for real. They each have tattoos that are going to be there forever. The rest of the dates seemed super lame after that. Also just fuck Evan in general. What an asshat. Sidenote: Lace had stains on every single piece of clothing she wore tonight. We ended with all the couples heading into their fantasy suites, and tomorrow night we’ll find out who gets engaged. Spoiler it won’t be Nick!! |
