​As soon as that done the producers threw in some dog noises as Wells (the DJ from last season) showed up and Ashley was ecstatic. 
​
Everyone wanted Wells to ask Ashley on the date, so that everyone could move on with their lives, and he did! Success!

Lace started flirting with all the boys and her and Grant got into a fight, but they eventually made up. 

Then came a ton of drama around where people are sleeping. Josh got mad Amanda wasn’t sleeping with him and tried to make her feel bad while she was sleeping, which is just douchy on every level.

For the rose ceremony, Carly gave her rose to Evan, Ashley to Wells, Jen to Nick, Izzy to Brett, Caila to Jared, Lace to Grant, Amanda to Josh. Then, Hayley and Emily decided that because they hadn’t found love yet, they were going to leave together. Ryan, Carl and Daniel all then had to say goodbye, since they didn’t give out their roses.

Before they left, the twins took Amanda aside to let her know how they feel about Josh (that his intentions aren't in the right place, and that he has a shitty temper, which we have seen).

Amanda then confronted Josh about these things, and he emotionally manipulated her back into being in love with him, and then he confronted the whole group.

In the end Amanda just went with Josh anyways and believed him and his bullshit. 

While everyone was sleeping, Jami, from Ben’s season, showed up. Wells was the only one around so they hit it off and she asked him out and he said yes. And they left before Ashley woke up so everyone had to let her know.​

Ashley held herself together and brushed it off, making everyone relaxed. UNTIL Ashley confronted Caila and told her exactly how she felt about her. Basically being a straight up bully. Which made Caila make the decision to leave.

Amanda is, of course, the sweetest, so she went to the tree house with him where he told her that he came there for her. Me to Evan watching this:

Evan is the MOST self righteous dude there. He truly thinks he should get anyone he decides he wants.

Anyways, Amanda obviously wasn’t into it, which just made her feel super bad and that isn’t fair because Evan obviously knew she would be like that.​

Sidebar: pizza is to Josh what lunch meat was to Chad.

Evan once again pulled Amanda aside before the rose ceremony to tell her that he thinks Josh is emotionally abusive. Which is an emotionally abusive thing to do to someone because it’s entirely self serving.​

Everyone else jumped on this bandwagon out of nowhere to say screw Josh, with Nick being the only one to say, “I don’t know if it’s true or false, but be aware and ask the right questions”. Once again, Nick being the good guy. Where is this niceness coming from?!

Then we had the rose ceremony. Lace gave hers to Grant, Izzy gave hers to Vinny, Emily gave hers to Jared, Amanda gave hers to Josh, Sarah gave hers to Daniel, Carly gave hers to Evan (gross), Hayley gave hers to Nick. This sent home Christian and Brandon.​

Also: Evan called the girls his little sisters that he had to protect. Literally fuck this guy (except don’t fuck him, ladies). He also said “Carly may have closed the door on me, but she forgot to lock it” SERIOUSLY DUDE:

After the rose ceremony, Caila (our almost Bachelorette) showed up and asked Jared out on a date. They went horseback riding at sunset, as you do. (Jared broke up with Emily when he got back from the date).​

Izzy and Lace got the first double date in Paradise history and obviously they brought Vinny and Grant. They went to a foam party, and a girl tossed water on them, which angered Lace, but Grant got her out of there.

While they were on their date, the rest had dates at home. Afterwards, Evan passed out and wouldn’t wake up, so producers called medical. By the time Carly came down he was awake and fine. Then he took that chance to hit on Carly. It was all very, VERY odd. 

While Jared was having a blast with his new gf Carly, Ashley showed up (again). We’ll see how that turns out tomorrow night.

All the girls immediately commented on how she looks so different from her season (Ben’s season), because of a hella lot of plastic surgery.

​She ended up asking Nick out on a date, which upset Amanda, of course, because she is into him. Also can we talk about Leah’s taste in men. I think Nick is getting better, but still she picked two of the villains from the shows.

Immediately after getting back from his date, Nick received a date card, and he got to choose. This time he chose Amanda, which then pissed of Leah. And the circle of life continues.

Carly and Evan had a bit of a connection, but I don’t think he’s man enough for her. He loved the kiss and she was not a fan. Her exact words “I don’t know how this man has two kids”.

Meanwhile, Grant and Lace ‘connected’ on the beach, then the bedroom (where they unsuccessfully covered the camera).​

But most of the girls were scrambling leading up to the rose ceremony. 

Vinny ended up kissing both Izzy and Sarah before the ceremony, so that’s awkward af.

Leah pulled Nick aside, and I gotta say, I respect that he flat out was like listen, I connect to Amanda more than you. He’s being honest and that’s what we need boy.

Daniel was the one that had the most power for this ceremony, which was the most obnoxious thing to happen. He is truly the worst and making a disgrace of our country.

In the end, Grant gave his rose to Lace, Nick gave his to Amanda, Evan gave his to Carly, Jared gave his to Emily (and therefore also Haley), Vinny gave his to Izzy, while douchebag Daniel gave his to Sarah.

This sent home Leah (hope you enjoyed your day there) and Jubilee (no! my girl!).

After the rose ceremony, Josh, fresh off his sting of ‘Famously Single’ and Andi Doorman’s ex-fiance, showed up to camp. How I feel about this guy.

He had a date card off the bat and asked Amanda out (keep in mind Nick was also on Andi’s season, like, she picked Josh over Nick).

Side note: every time one of the girls leaves she tells the other girls that she loves them. I think that’s really adorable, but also why?​

Evan and Carly went on a date, but she had already decided she didn’t like him, so it was awkward.

​They had to do the longest hot pepper kiss and beat a world record. It was basic torture for Carly.
Jared and Emily finally kissed after she practically jumped him. 

When Josh and Amanda came back from the date and were all over each other, which he was just doing truly to piss Nick off. Also he makes really awful noises while making out that makes me very uncomfortable.

Daniel the Canadian (WE ARE NOT ALL LIKE THIS) made the worst impression right off the bat, by saying the three girls that were there already he “wouldn’t touch”. The blonde one if he’d had a few drinks in him. They’re bruised fruit, you know?

But the twins showed up and Daniel immediately brightened.​

Most unknown goes to: Izzy. WHO is she? WHERE did she come from? WHY is she here? WILL these questions ever be answered? One of them will, and that’s that she supposedly comes from Ben’s season. She must have been eliminated on the first night, because people there FROM HER SEASON didn’t know who she was.

For the first week, the guys have the power. It was also established that if you choose one twin, both stay.

Jubilee got the first date card and chose Jared.

Chad and Lace got it on in the hot tube pretty much immediately, and just as quickly things fizzled out between them, after much shouting and hitting. 

Chad continued to get aggressive with everyone else, so he had pretty much only made enemies after night one. 

So much so that Chris Harrison was called in to handle the situation, where he said the line “everyone came here for Paradise but you’ve made it hell”. Honestly Chris H laid down the law like he’s never done before and sent Chad home. HE HAS HAD IT.

But of course Chad put up a fight and didn’t go easy. But eventually he was gone and we won’t miss you, boy.

Spoilers ahead, OBVIOUSLY.

​Jojo is ready to make the most difficult decision of her life. Or she isn’t ready. When she’s with Robbie she thinks of Jordan, and when she’s with Jordan she thinks of Robbie. Maybe because they look the exact same?

Tonight the interchangeable’s got to meet Jojo’s parents, and ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage. I’m sure they thought they were just meeting the same guy twice and were like “please don’t make us go through this again, just marry her already”.​

Only prob was that Jordan did not ask for their hand (but Robbie did). As if that will stop her obsessing over Jordan ever.

Jordan brought her parents hats. HILARIOUS hats. Like a pink straw hat and a cowboy hat. Hysterical. Where does he come up with fresh material all the time?

Jojo’s mom let Robbie know that she is SUPER over Jojo’s whole broken heart thing, and is pretty sick of hearing about it at the dinner table.​

In their last moments together on their final date, Robbie gave Jojo pictures of each other, so she can frame them if they get married or burn them if she chooses someone else.

For his gift, Jordan gave Jojo extreme doubt.

Jordan DID call her parents and ended up asking for their permission to ask marry her. Side note: Jojo’s dad’s name is Joe. So there’s that to sit on.

So going into the final rose ceremony, Joji Berry was clearly feeling more confident in Robbie and less confident in Jordan to propose and not totally fuck her over.

But Jordan wrote her a letter to let her know that he would always be there for her as he lint rolled his suit jacket while shirtless.

In the end I KNEW IT and guessed correctly that her obsession with Jordan was too deep to turn back now. (For real though I think this is the first time my pick from night one has actually won).

​Cruellest line uttered by Jojo to Robbie: “I know you’ll love me until the day that you die”. Like girl calm down you’ve known each other three months and he’ll be the next Bachelor or some shit.

I do respect Jordan for using her full name, because I like that in a proposal. They did both seem genuinely happy, too. So we can let them be happy for a few minutes (before it inevitably goes down in flames).