Tonight we’re back at the airplane hangar, where Jojo is still crying because Luke said he loves her and now she’s torn about who to choose. Which really means she’s going by what she thinks she should do, and not with her gut. Bad choice Joji berry.
The roses ended up going to Jordan, Robby, and Chase. So she DID do what she originally planned, which means the overdramatics were truly for nothing. It’s okay though, we got another 10 minutes of a very weird goodbye, where Jojo just cried over and over and Luke looked off into the distance like a lost puppy.
But finally they put us out of our misery and we got to see them all in Thailand for the fantasy suites. First up there was Robby, and they of course went to the fantasy suite but other than that it was yet another snooze fest.
Next up was Jordan, with another predictably boring date. Honestly, just one of these is fine and we can just interchange all the guys as necessary. But yada yada they went to the fantasy suite (which we know that this is all Jojo is gonna want from Jordan in the end, and you do you girl).
Finally we had Chase, and the date was super interesting and fun to watch! Just kiddddddding it was yet another snoozefest.
Robby showed up at Jojo’s place to creepily tell her how much he loves her, before she had her fantasy suite dinner date with Chase. She let us know that Chase is the only one she’s not in love with yet, so things aren’t looking good for him.
This was even more apparent when she decided she couldn’t even go through with the fantasy suite part of the date with him and ended up dumping him right there in the hotel room.
Which was even more unfair because she went on about how all she wanted was for him to say he loves her, but only realized once he did that she didn't feel the way she should have. Brutally unfair, but she Taylor Swift-ed herself by playing the victim yet again.
One thing we for sure learned: Thailand is hella hot. It’s one of the only things they actually talked about on each and every date.
The most drama in the past few episodes came when Chase showed up at the rose ceremony, just as Jojo was explaining to the other two how she had sent him home the night before. But don’t worry, the monotony was brought back when it was all just to end things on a good note. BORING. (Although a monkey followed him out so I guess that was worth it).
So Jordan and Robby are heading to the end. But before that, we get The Men Tell All tomorrow night, which I won’t be blogging because honestly I don’t think I can. #struggleisreal
Okay, let’s pretend we care about literally anything but Kimye/Taylor right now. (We don't, hence only Kim K gifs throughout).
We’ve made it. Hometown dates are upon us, which means we get to see more of middle America than we ever want to.
First stop was Chase’s family in Colorado. Sorry - his ‘broken home’ (aka his parents divorced when he was 8.)
Because of this they spent the day with his dad and the night with his mom. It was all excruciatingly boring.
Next up was Chico, California where the Rodgers live. Although we know from previews that there’s drama between Jordan and Aaron.
Jordan took her to his high school, because of COURSE he’s the guy still stuck in high school and never wanted to leave.
This hometown visit was the epitome of sad white man. A quote from his brother: “nothing’s been handed to Jordan, nothing in his life has been easy”, which is an HILARIOUS JOKE. Good job at comedy, bro.
Jojo is still worried that Jordan is just telling her what she wants to hear. Which, who even knows at this point.
Next was St. Augustine, Florida, with Robby. The drama with this one is that he broke up with his ex-girlfriend very conveniently timed to the taping of the show. Honestly I don’t like him so I believe that.
Finally we visited Texas to hang out with Luke.
That date was literally so boring I stopped watching and instead trolled MY OWN INSTAGRAM FEED. Looking through my own photos was more interesting than watching these two boring people say the exact same things we’ve seen the first hour and a half of the show.
Apparently they didn’t time the production schedule tight enough, so the rose ceremony took place on a airplane hangar.
Before the ceremony started, Jojo said she was ready to send Luke home, but then he pulled her aside to tell her that he loves her. Because those twenty fucking minutes we had to sit watching them just spitting BS to each other wasn’t time to tell her.
BUT WE HAVE TO WAIT BECAUSE LUKE TOOK UP TO MUCH TIME, ADD IN HER CRYING FOR FIVE MINUTES, AND BOOM. Next week we have to find out who she chose. Next Tuesday we also get the Men Tell All.
But honestly, let’s just get back to the Taylor vs Kimye drama.
We’re baaaaack! And we’re booorrrring!
First thing’s first. One-on-one roses are no longer, but group date roses are still a thing. Next up is hometown dates, so anyone who gets a rose tonight is introducing Jojo to their family.
The first date of the episode went to Alex. He’s the only one who hasn’t had a one-on-one with her, so it makes sense, even though it was basically just to drive for forever. Then they did something where they made horses lay down while Alex dressed offensively? Basically classic Bachelor date.
He eventually told her that he was falling in love with her and she was like uh oh, not same boo, and dumped him (even though she didn’t have to). He was a dick about it. Whatever.
The rest of the guys had to hop on a bus, where they were apparently forced to play improv games. (Don’t worry, Alex also improvised a rap on in his car as well).
Second date went to our boy Jordy-poo. They made their own really really gross wine and he told her he loved her, which went better for him than it did for Alex.
Chase, James, and Robby got the group date. Leaving Luke with the last one-on-one.
The group date was filled with truth and dare and all the guys thinking they were sure they were a frontrunner. But the guy who got the rose was Robby.
Luke and her rode horses. It was a big episodes for them horsies.
No cocktail party tonight because girl has her mind made up. Luke, Jordan and Chase, sending sad James Taylor home. Don’t matter how many french fries you can fit in your mouth if she don’t love you bud.
Reality TV Recaps
Check in over here every week for Bachelor(ette) (in Paradise) and Survivor recaps!