Tonight the troupe was in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
Right off the bat, Chris announced that there would be yet another two-on-one, just two weeks after the last one (and usually there aren’t more than one per season).
The first date card was for Wells, who I didn’t even know what he looked like. He is also the only one who hasn’t kissed her yet.
They went to a performance art exhibit, where they got to participate and he finally landed one on her. But at dinner Wells opened up about his ex girlfriend and how they were more friends than anything. So she did not give Wells the rose. Because Jojo also felt like they were just friends.
Wells probably feels like he wasted that kiss, meanwhile Jojo being fucking savage just went back to the performance piece and watched a SHOW and laughed in the middle of a rainy dance party. JOJO GIRL. SAVAGE.
Luke, Robbie, Jordan, James and Alex got the group date, leaving Chase and Derek (also known as Who? and WHO?) for the two-on-one.
On the group date James Taylor spent the whole time feeling bad for himself because he thinks she likes the other guys better. His way to fix this was to throw Jordan under the bus, because Jordan changed the rules of a card game. Basically his whole story was “He’s Jordan Rogers so he can do what he wants”. And guess what bud, he kind of can. Breaking news: one white boy thinks another white boy is entitled.
Jojo brought it up to Jordan, but the way Jordan explained it honestly sounded like the stupidest possible thing James could have brought up.
Joke’s on those boys because Jojo just gave the rose to the guy she made out with (Luke). Stop wasting time complaining and get to macking.
I basically just had the two-on-one playing while I looked at the Keg menu to get myself ready for dinner tomorrow night, so I can’t tell you what happened exactly, but I can tell you it was a major yawn fest (shocker). She gave Chase (aka who?!) the rose, sending Derek (aka WHO?!) home.
They spent about as much time as the date took place following Derek crying in the back of a limo while a beautiful singer sang ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina’ and Chase and Jojo danced. This show is the most ridiculous.
The men who got roses were Robbie and Jordan. Before she gave away the final rose she decided it was a good time to take a walk because she felt sick and didn’t want to give the last rose. So she didn’t, she gave out two. (UGHHHH). I can’t with this show any more.
Anyways, see you next week.
Okay, so it’s been 2 weeks since Chad got dumped and we have been WAITING to see what happens afterwards.
The night started with the boys having a bit of a memorial for Chad, spreading his protein powder as ashes. While this was happening, Chad was making his way through the forest as the bear he is.
Chad showed up at the guys house, running his hands down the window like the psychopath he truly is.. They eventually let him in to true confusion. They were mostly worried about his protein powder. “I guess she thinks I’m intense or something” was the line of the night from Chad AFTER HE SHOWED UP AT THEIR HOUSE.
Jordan seemed to be the only one who talked to Chad reasonably (JOJO CHOOSE JORDAN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR), and eventually Deuchebag McGee left, in a very anticlimactic way.
We then had the cocktail party which was really corny and felt more like one of the worst group dates.
The people who got roses were Derek, Robbie, Chase, Wells, Grant, Vinny, James Taylor, and gross Evan. Ugh. This sent home Daniel (finally) and James F. (who?).
After the rose ceremony they headed to Uruguay, you know, the place everyone thinks about going to. (Side note: most men couldn’t even pronounce it properly).
The first date card went to Jordan for a 1:1 FINALLLLLLY. During this 1:1 one of the guys back at the house had trashy magazines saying Jojo was seeing her ex (ugh yes that’s what trashy magazines do). Seriously stop slut shaming and women shaming you’re on the Bachelorette. Nobody is actually there for love.
Anyways, it turns out Jojo had met someone who Jordan used to date and who didn’t trust him. But she confronted him and now she’s fine.
Luke, Derek, Chase, Evan, James, Vinny, Grant, Wells, and Alex all got the group date for the week.
Before the date, one of the producers showed her the magazine that had nasty things to say about her. She naturally flipped out about it. She went to the guys crying about it and they forgave her BECAUSE IT WAS A TRASH MAGAZINE DUH.
At least one person does not think Derek is a good guy. Cool. None of you are you’re on The Bachelorette, but keep telling yourself whatever you need. Side note: Derek got the group date rose, so jokes on you buddies.
But also - Jojo please stop giving roses to men who just need validation. Fuck that. Give it to a man who is already confident. You ain’t responsible for that shit.
She then went on a one-on-one with Robbie. It was gross, he said I love you, and he got a rose, of course.
There was no cocktail party, after my minutes of the men discussing the importance of time with Jojo at the party. It was also announced that three of them would be going home tonight.
The guys who got roses were Luke, Chase, Alex, James, and Wells. This sent home EVAN FINALLY (your tears don’t fool us you’re still a fucking douchebag), Grant and Vinny,
This episode started with Chad coming back into the house after talking to Chris Harrison, and he apologized to Evan and offered to give him $20 for a new shirt. Evan continued to be a dink who just kept trying to poke the bear, even though Chad did all he was asked to do.
Jojo then showed up for their pre-rose ceremony pool party. They were all having a blast, until Evan’s nose just started bleeding for no reason. But no drama unfolded from it, they all just joked that it was Chad. So everyone is happy.
Whenever Jojo took any of the guys aside they talked about Chad, even though she seems totally fine with Chad. Chad overheard Derek talking about him, so Chad tried to take him aside and confront him about it. It was a pretty mild confrontation, they both said their peace but still ended unhappy.
Honestly the negative energy is coming more from literally every other guy than it is from Chad.
Anyways, then there was the rose ceremony, where Jojo gave roses to Grant, Derek, Jordan, Luke, Robbie, Wells, James F., Vinny, Daniel (seriously, what?), Alex, and Chad. This means Ali (NO!), Christian, and Nick.
We’ll never forget you Ali.
After that they all packed their bags and headed to Nemacolin, Pennsylvania. Once there, the one-on-one date went to Luke. They got into a too-hot hottub. He got a rose after talking about his military service.
The group date went to Derek, James T., Daniel, Chase, Wells, Vinny, James F., Evan, Grant, Jordan, and Robbie. Which means Chad and Alex were going to end up on a two-on-one.
The group went to play football, where James Taylor injured himself and needed stitches. They kept the blood on him for good measure and to remind us of what kind of badass he is (you know, injuring yourself in a small football match). Evan also got another bloody nose. Ugh I am just over that dude.
Jordan got the group date rose, after reassuring Jojo that he was falling for her.
As per usual for the two-on-one date, they went to the middle of nowhere, presumably because whoever doesn’t get chosen on these is left to die.
This was one of the most awkward dates ever. When Alex and Jojo went to talk privately, Alex ratted on Chad and told him how aggressive Chad can be. So Jojo confronted Chad, and told him that she gave him a second chance and that she’s disappointed in him.
She went off to think by herself, where she thought about how maybe Chad is just dealing with his father’s death. Chad threw his rustic, camping coffee cup into the abyss. He then went to confront Alex, of course.
Favourite insult: go drink some milk man.
Jojo decided that Chad wasn’t the person for her, and gave the rose to Alex. Sending Chad on his way, into the forest, to try to find his way out. In the dark. Whistling.
Where he did end up was back at the guys house, I guess to say his peaceful goodbyes. We’ll find out next week.
Tonight was the first of a two parter, and we’ve been promised maximum drama. A security guard! Blood! So clearly a shitty security guard!
The episode started with the boys waking up to a disaster of a house, which they take as indicative to the disaster that is Chad.
The first date card of the night went to Chase (if you’ve forgotten who Chase is, he’s the white dude with a bit of beard stubble).
Chase and Jojo went to a yoga studio, where they practiced some ‘intimate’ moves that led them to some smoochy smoochy.
The group date went to Jordan, Grant, Wells, James F., Christian, Ali, Daniel, Vinny, Nick, Evan, Alex and Chad.
Chad’s first reaction to the date was that he didn’t want to go on a date with 12 other dudes because it was “too many”. Jordan called him out on this, saying “you do know what this is?” Because, duh. This also obviously infuriated the guys who didn’t get a date.
Jordan then insinuated that Chad was stupid, and Chad retaliated that he was a failed football player. The rest of the guys were obviously on Jordan’s side there, and they just kept hurling really weird, pathetic insults at each other across the room, but in very casual ways.
For the date they went to see a show at a small theatre that talked about sex. And so the boys (because these are not men) had 45 minutes to get sex stories prepared for the audience.
Sidenote: my favourite tweet of the night was about this part of the show.
Evan took his time on stage to basically insinuate that Chad is using steroids. When he came back up to sit down, Chad ripped his shirt and pushed him a bit before going down onto the stage.
Chad decided not to tell a sex story and instead said it was about their future, and he went in to kiss her but she TURNED HER CHEEK. The absolute best burn he could have had.
Backstage Chad was clearly livid and tried to make things physical. But everyone stopped him, and his hands were bleeding because apparently he hit a door.
Later on in the night Evan kept instigating. Which, as much as I hate Chad, Evan was definitely trying to start something here and get a rise out of Chad. Evan also told Jojo that if Chad stays he will leave. Which is aggressive and manipulative in and of itself. I dislike Chad, but fuck Evan too, honestly. How dare you assume you have that kind of power.
Before giving anyone the rose, Jojo took Evan aside to tell him that she wanted to give him the rose, but that she also wanted to keep Chad.
While Jojo was talking about the day and picking Evan, Chad asked if this was really happening. Jojo told him that she didn’t want him to be disrespectful and that’s what he was doing.
Back at the home the next day, Derek, his roommate, decided he felt unsafe in the house. So they got a security guard for the house.
The other one-on-one date went to James Taylor himself. They went swing dancing. It was boring. MORE DRAMA PLZ.
Daniel, who was buds with Chad at the beginning, told him that it’s getting hard to be friends with him. He then compared him to Hitler, Mussolini, Trump, and Bush, all within twenty seconds. Chad ate carrots.
Jojo, please stop talking about Ben. EVERYBODY KNOWS WE DON’T NEED MORE REFRESHERS.
James was called Luke Long Neck when he was 12. That is his sad story. That is why he is a self-proclaimed underdog. This is what our patriarchal society stems from, guys. These aren’t real problems.
Don’t worry though, he sang all his troubles away, because god forbid he go anywhere without his guitar.
Jojo decided to have no cocktail party tonight, and to go straight to the rose ceremony at night. But she did decide she wanted an all day pool party.
After Chris gave this news to the guys, Evan followed Chris out to tell him about Chad and how he felt unsafe around him. So Chris stepped in, and asked to talk to Chad alone. He didn’t ask him to leave, but instead asked him to settle it with an approach that might be received well.
Chad angrily stalked back into the house, talking about violence, and that’s where we leave off until tomorrow night, where it looks like more than one guy will be bleeding.
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