For the first challenge was for a food reward. The orange tribe (because as if I’m remembering any names) came from behind to win, with the new green tribe coming
Hannah hyperventilated and started spasming. It was a panic attack in the end, and she was fine, but you can tell that they’re taking health way more seriously this year, following last years insanity.
Figgy decided to tell everyone that her and Taylor were a ‘thing’, to which everyone reacted with “no shit sherlock”.
For the immunity challenge, the green team dominated once again, and orange team (who lost last week), won as well. Sending the purple tribe to tribal council.
They voted out Figgy, which was surprising, and broke up the millennial tribe a bit.
Let’s take a minute to talk about how badass Michaela is in this game. She is fully in it to win it.
The millennials made up for reward by winning the immunity challenge. Really interesting to watch the two different strategies for puzzle solving in this game.
Tribal was a lively one, with nobody trusting anybody else. Idiot David played his hidden immunity idol for Jessica (WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF). I mean, she needed it, she had the most votes, but still dude, you better hope your ass isn’t next.
The person that was voted out was Lucy in the end, sending everyone else into a tailspin.
Next week looks like a tribal switch, which will be super interesting at this point.
Over on the millennial tribe, Figgy and Taylor started smooching on each other and everyone found out.
Paul, the oldest Survivor there, suddenly went down while they were hanging around camp. They amped it up to seem like he possibly had a heart attack, but it was just heat exhaustion and dehydration.
For the immunity and reward (tarp) challenge, Gen X miraculously won after falling so far behind. It was pretty shocking, but I think millennials are the type that only need to be knocked down once, then they won't let it happen again.
This led to one of the more entertaining tribal councils, where there was a lot happening at once in tribal and a lot of feelings that were exposed.
In the end Mari was the second person voted out of this season, leaving Figgy and Taylor to continue their love affair.
The next day something happened that has NEVER happened in Survivor history. Jeff Probst came to each camp and EVACUATED the camps because the storm was going to be that serious. I mean, holy shit. They have never, ever evacuated a camp before.
The tribes came back on day three to their camps, which were completely destroyed.
Most of the episode is letting us get a sneak peek at people’s personalities (Millennials has a freaks and geeks situation happening, and Gen X has hottie mchotterson Ken - the new Joe - and the weak links being David and Rachel).
The first immunity challenge finally happened and millennials won (by taking only one shortcut, so stick that ‘millennials don’t work for anything’ in your pipe and smoke it).
This sent Gen X to tribal council. After some sporadic voting, Rachel was the first one voted out of this season, after being too abrasive and not helping with the challenge.
Lace and Grant were questioning their relationship. Absolutely crazy for two people who GOT TATTOOS just the day before.
All the men met with American hero Neil Lane to find their engagement ring and stand with picturesque backgrounds with it.
Evan spoke about how he never wanted to get married again until now. Which, as if. Please stop. Then Nick said he hoped it was the last time he’d meet with Neil Lane (Bachelor you seriously fucked this one up).
Evan and Carly were the first to go and they professed their love and got engaged. UGH GIRL HE TRICKED YOU AND THEN HE CRIED GET OUTTA THERE.
ALSO - his exact words were: “will you freaking marry me” - NOTE TO ANYONE PLANNING TO PROPOSE TO ME IF YOU SAY THIS I WILL NOT ONLY SAY NO BUT CASTRATE YOU IN THE PROCESS. xoxoxoxo.
Anyways, Lace and Grant were next, and they had one of the most real proclamations of love and then got engaged. They are the only couple I am actually rooting for and very happy for. Tattoo and all.
Then we had Nick and Jen and like spoiler he’s the next Bachelor so they can’t possibly last. She laid her feelings out and said I love you and he said that something was telling him to say goodbye.
Then we had Amanda and Josh, where Amanda proclaimed her love and Josh (shockingly) proposed to her. (Then talked about how great the ring he picked out was, barf).
But Nick scored himself a date card after Tiara (chicken girl) showed up and gave him her date card. They went to a carnival and had fun (surprising since carnivals are usually so unfun).
Meanwhile, Brett ended things with Izzy to be with Lauren. This sucks for Izzy because she had ended her relationship with Vinny to be with Brett. So she’s going to leave to try to salvage things with him.
She calls him from the car and can I say I am 99% sure her phone says his name is Vinny Vinnister. I hope I’m right on this and if I’m not please don’t tell me.
Also, girl you didn’t leave Paradise to try and work things out, you left because the other guy dumped you.
Anyways, Vinnister said no thanks you are shallow and dumb, ands he had to get the car to pull over so she could maybe vomit but for sure break down on the side of a Mexican highway.
Shushanna got mad during the lead put to he ceremony and just basically ran away, which worked exactly how she wanted because Wells came after her. But she still ended up going home because she knew she was going to go home.
For the rose ceremony, Josh gave his rose to Amanda, Nick to Jen, Evan to Carly, Grant to Lace, while Brett left, leaving Lauren in the cold as well (this is after dumping Izzy, keep in mind). Then Wells, who was the most up for grabs gave his rose to Ashley, sending home the rest.
Then it was time for some fantasy suites, as if they haven’t already been bopping this entire time.
Wells ended up deciding he wasn’t going to take Ashley’s virginity and didn’t go on the date with her. So they both went home.
Grant and Lace went on their date where they bought bracelets with the combination of their name “Grace”. Then they were like, not far enough, so let’s get tattoos. Grant’s line: “tattoos are permanent, but I think Lace and I are permanent”. I actually can’t believe they did it for real. They each have tattoos that are going to be there forever.
The rest of the dates seemed super lame after that.
Also just fuck Evan in general. What an asshat.
Sidenote: Lace had stains on every single piece of clothing she wore tonight.
We ended with all the couples heading into their fantasy suites, and tomorrow night we’ll find out who gets engaged. Spoiler it won’t be Nick!!
As soon as that done the producers threw in some dog noises as Wells (the DJ from last season) showed up and Ashley was ecstatic.
Everyone wanted Wells to ask Ashley on the date, so that everyone could move on with their lives, and he did! Success!
Lace started flirting with all the boys and her and Grant got into a fight, but they eventually made up.
Then came a ton of drama around where people are sleeping. Josh got mad Amanda wasn’t sleeping with him and tried to make her feel bad while she was sleeping, which is just douchy on every level.
For the rose ceremony, Carly gave her rose to Evan, Ashley to Wells, Jen to Nick, Izzy to Brett, Caila to Jared, Lace to Grant, Amanda to Josh. Then, Hayley and Emily decided that because they hadn’t found love yet, they were going to leave together. Ryan, Carl and Daniel all then had to say goodbye, since they didn’t give out their roses.
Before they left, the twins took Amanda aside to let her know how they feel about Josh (that his intentions aren't in the right place, and that he has a shitty temper, which we have seen).
Amanda then confronted Josh about these things, and he emotionally manipulated her back into being in love with him, and then he confronted the whole group.
In the end Amanda just went with Josh anyways and believed him and his bullshit.
While everyone was sleeping, Jami, from Ben’s season, showed up. Wells was the only one around so they hit it off and she asked him out and he said yes. And they left before Ashley woke up so everyone had to let her know.
Ashley held herself together and brushed it off, making everyone relaxed. UNTIL Ashley confronted Caila and told her exactly how she felt about her. Basically being a straight up bully. Which made Caila make the decision to leave.
They had a date card to give out, and they ended up giving it to Jared and Caila, which naturally destroyed Ashley I. She LITERALLY may die if they do something in the fantasy suite.
Evan got a date card and obviously gave it to Carly (he didn’t even have to fake his death this time). They went to a temple where they pledged love (or like) to each other.
Ashley worked on breaking up Caila and Jared by letting Jared know that she’s not into him and that she's fake. Camila obviously confronted Ashley about this and we have to wait until next Monday to find out how that ends.
As every episode begins, Ashley was crying over Jared, and Jared laid it out for her that he was not interested. NOT. INTERESTED. Girl needs to get it through her tears.
Jared then went to talk to Caila about it, and the producers, being as heartless as they are, overlaid their sound with sounds of Ashley crying.
Evan finally manipulated Carly into liking him. Meanwhile Daniel’s rose was the only one up for grabs, so all the girls had to basically fight for it.
During the rose ceremony, Graham gave Lace his rose, Josh to Amanda, Vinny to Izzy, Nick to Jen, Evan to Carly, Jared to Caila, and finally Daniel decided to let Haley and Emily stay. So Ashley’s stay was short lived and Sarah had to go home as well.
Ashley of course wasn’t going to go out without a fight, and she asked the group if they’d be okay with her coming back with an actual open mind this time (instead of fixating on Jared). Of course the group (aka the producers) let her back.
The next day a guy named Carl showed up (apparently from Andi’s season). I guess this season is all about bringing in people who we have NO IDEA WHO THEY ARE.
FOLLOWING WITH THIS STUPID ASS TREND, a guy named Brett from Andi’s season, who brought a lamp to Andi, and to Paradise, apparently.
Carl went for Emily, and Brett asked Caila on a date. This obviously made Jared upset (now he knows how it feels). Caila wasn’t into the booze cruise they went on, but you’re on a show that’s literally entered around getting drunk in the sun, so what were you expecting?
Caila decided she’d rather be with Jared in the end, devastating Ashley once again.
Ryan from Katelyn’s season showed up YET ANOTHER THAT WE DO NOT KNOW PLEASE STOP THIS YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS RESERVE.
Ryan asked Haley on a date, and she was stoked to get away from Daniel for the day.
Grant has taken adorable to a new level by taking Lace for a massage, then he told her that he loves her.
Izzy decided that she was maybe more into Brett than Vinny (even though they’ve been one of the most solid couples since the beginning). So she let Vinny know how she was feeling and he was not impressed.
We will find out what happens to them tomorrow.
Amanda is, of course, the sweetest, so she went to the tree house with him where he told her that he came there for her. Me to Evan watching this:
Evan is the MOST self righteous dude there. He truly thinks he should get anyone he decides he wants.
Anyways, Amanda obviously wasn’t into it, which just made her feel super bad and that isn’t fair because Evan obviously knew she would be like that.
Sidebar: pizza is to Josh what lunch meat was to Chad.
Evan once again pulled Amanda aside before the rose ceremony to tell her that he thinks Josh is emotionally abusive. Which is an emotionally abusive thing to do to someone because it’s entirely self serving.
Everyone else jumped on this bandwagon out of nowhere to say screw Josh, with Nick being the only one to say, “I don’t know if it’s true or false, but be aware and ask the right questions”. Once again, Nick being the good guy. Where is this niceness coming from?!
Then we had the rose ceremony. Lace gave hers to Grant, Izzy gave hers to Vinny, Emily gave hers to Jared, Amanda gave hers to Josh, Sarah gave hers to Daniel, Carly gave hers to Evan (gross), Hayley gave hers to Nick. This sent home Christian and Brandon.
Also: Evan called the girls his little sisters that he had to protect. Literally fuck this guy (except don’t fuck him, ladies). He also said “Carly may have closed the door on me, but she forgot to lock it” SERIOUSLY DUDE:
After the rose ceremony, Caila (our almost Bachelorette) showed up and asked Jared out on a date. They went horseback riding at sunset, as you do. (Jared broke up with Emily when he got back from the date).
Izzy and Lace got the first double date in Paradise history and obviously they brought Vinny and Grant. They went to a foam party, and a girl tossed water on them, which angered Lace, but Grant got her out of there.
While they were on their date, the rest had dates at home. Afterwards, Evan passed out and wouldn’t wake up, so producers called medical. By the time Carly came down he was awake and fine. Then he took that chance to hit on Carly. It was all very, VERY odd.
While Jared was having a blast with his new gf Carly, Ashley showed up (again). We’ll see how that turns out tomorrow night.
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